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I have been close companions for more than 20 years, who has overcome numerous hardships, which I admire. But, she's often caught off guard by others. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances drifted away during that time, since they had been focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her. She made more effort to be my friend, probably realised more acutely the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Throughout this period, quite a few in her circle vanished leaving her knowing the cause. The company she worked for turned on her, although she had been very skilled at her work, and she left without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we have each stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play between us feels one-sided. I introduce discussion points and she changes conversation onto things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds firm beliefs. I attempt to suggest factchecking and different perspectives.

She is arranging a trip abroad I have traveled to many times and lived in for some time. My intention was to provide advice, yet it was not welcomed. She purely just desired me to confirm her choices. I recently returned from 30 days in that country she hopes to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate in this role that walks away without explanation, but I don't think she can comprehend the impact of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

You could walk away, but it is rarely a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution takes courage and willingness for each of you.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state the usual pattern in your conversations. This needs to be objective and clear and basically what a recording device would replay. Next is to express the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement here. Emotions are valid, after all. Finally is to question how you are both going to change the dynamics between you."

Consider that she also holds perspectives, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. One effective method is to say to the other person:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

She might reject your concerns, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story regarding their experiences they're unable to abandon as it feels essential relies on it and it's all familiar to them. This poses a challenge when there seems no easy route in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. But she may at first react defensively then consider on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides satisfaction from having been honest with her.